Today's Brainteaser

It's 2:00 AM. I am taking a break from writing, giving my muse a rest. I have been hearing a rooster crow for about 15 minutes. WTF? I don't live in the country. Maybe it's a sick dog. Is that likely? Doubt it.

If you are bored, test your cleverness.

Look at the two photos.

They are identical except for 3 things in the picture.

If you can figure out the 3 things that are different then you are in the same league as a genius.

(You may have to copy and paste the link in your browser.) Let me know if you find all three; I only found two, and I thought I was pretty good at noticing details.)

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf

Did you ever just think it was a great idea...at the time?

Only to realize...You're an idiot.

Me?

Nah, never.

I don't think it through in the first place.

I OVER-analyze it later.

xx

Keep your pecker up!

Ali

The Guatemalan Handshake

Today we are going to the Independent Film Festival to see THE GUATEMALAN HANDSHAKE. My adorable cousin, Jason was a producer. I am really excited to finally see it. Yesterday they were having a promo event at the hotdog stand across from the theatre. They were selling "Guatemalan Handshake Hot Dogs." And by eating one of these special dogs you would receive a free pass to see the movie. In trying to be a good sport, my husband got one of these disastrous hot dogs which features the regular weenie on a bun...topped with chocolate sauce, whipped cream and a cherry on top. Did I mention the chaser of chocolate milk? He ate about 1/2 of it when my son wanted to try it and proceeded finish it and beg for another. Then they filmed it on video leading to all kinds drama he put on for the camera.

_You're gonna be a STAR Baby!

Or so he thinks. But then when I asked him what his favorite part of the day was he said grabbing his crotch.

Parents....Are you with me here? Do you ever look at these creatures and say, "Good God! How did I give birth to you?"

Of course I am horrible because I laugh at him. I just can't help myself. So, when he's in therapy, he can blame it all on me.

I'm off to see the film.

Keep your pecker up!

xx

Ali

Teachers still drive me crazy!

My son in 2nd grade has a substitute teacher while his regular teacher is on maternity leave. I am getting notes home on a daily basis... "Gabriel, is not paying attention." "Gabriel was playing in the bathroom." "Gabriel talked when I told them to be quiet." and the last one.... "Gabriel was turning around and keeping others from learning." I sent back a note that said "HOW?" I also sent her a note that said, "This is going to be a L-O-N-G 8 weeks isn't it?" I am finally reduced to telling her that what happens in the class needs to STAY in class. I am not going to punish him again, at home, for something he has already gotten punished for, in school. Unless it is disrespectful or dangerous, I don't need to hear about it. This is teacher territory. I don't send her notes that say: Gabriel didn't put his dirty underware in the basket or Gabriel ran out of the house naked or Gabriel didn't go to bed on time and expect her to punish him for it. He's a good kid. He's a very active, creative, 7 year old pain in the ass. He has quite a spirit and I do not want it crushed. He has a sweet heart an abundance of energy. He makes me smile. XX

Ali

Sleep....Who needs it?

I've been awake for days. This is nothing new. Who needs sleep? I feel like I wander the earth in an insomniac dream. Is that why reality looks so distorted at times? Is that why panic can over-take and crush the life right out of you? Is that why I rarely drink and undertake the xanax? Control. It's a nasty trait. You hold it all together until it unravels. Unravels. I am getting into my new character's head and discovering a whole lot of things I didn't want to know about myself. I wonder if I am afraid to sleep because the images are too vivid. Almost more so than the waking moments.

Yes, I am getting tired, but I will fight it like I always have. Tick tick tick. The clock becomes the enemy. The night is my solace. shhhh. Let me get this out so I can let it go. Dream for me and I'll daydream about you.

XX

Ali

Spider update!!!

I walked out tonight to find it feasting in it's web on....

Are you ready for this?

A baby lizard!!!

What is that about? How does that happen? Damn, it's going to be huge! I shall try not to piss it off.

Keep your pecker up! xx

Ali

Said the spider to the fly...

Last night I was up watching our newest, non rent paying tennant. He is one of the biggest, scariest looking spiders I have ever seen in my life. Now, I am by no means a live and let live girl when it comes to bugs. I'm pretty much a, 'you cross my path and your history' girl when it comes to nasty creatures. What can I say? My conscience is clear.

Sorry bug lovers.

Anyway, back to the story... I am in awe of this big spider. He keeps me silent company when I step outside to smoke. He sits in the middle of his beautiful web waiting for dinner. Now, I did have to free a firefly that happened to get tangled, but he kept flashing an S.O.S. and that HAS to be worth something. Every morning, he cleans up his web and disappears, only to reappear as the sun begins to fade. I can relate to this. I am up most of the night, thankful for those few minutes of quiet. No matter how loud my mind is screaming I can force it to be quiet to listen to the hush of night.

So, my little friend is completely cool and safe...Unless he happens to find his way out of the web and in my reach, then all bets are off.

xx

Ali

Old prostitutes and date with a gay man...How's your weekend been?

I went to the opening night of the play "The Oldest Profession" which one of my dearest friends played an aging prostitute in New York. She played Ursula, the bitchy Madame wanna-be. Anyway, they each die off and it was beautiful, sad, hilarious and a bit LONG. And just for those of you who were curious...When they died, they went to heaven...And heaven was that great Whorehouse in the sky. I know every man is breathing a sigh of relief at that one. Except for my date, who happened to be my daughter's gay ballet teacher. I mean, he was the perfect one to see this with! He enjoyed the show-tuney numbers as much as I did. We had a great time. Now I am back to work as I have two books I am writing simultaneously. I like them both though one is not very taxing on my creative energy and the other is fucking amazing. God bless the muse! When she is happy life is sweet! Hope your weekend is going as well!

Keep your pecker up!

xx

Ali